The Fatman Chronicles

The Fatman Chronicles XI – Universal Truth About Fat Guys

Everyday, all day long we make choices. Some of those choices will be completely conscious and others, kind of just happen. You kind of slip into one direction not really recognizing you have made a choice and now are on the path dictated by the choice. Sure we have all made horrible choices when it comes to health, diet and exercise. But what about the choices that come as a result of those poor choices?

From this point forward I can only speak for the men who are in the same boat as I am. I can not speak for the ladies out there but I am betting they have something similar. Just know, I am a coward and won’t tread anywhere near the topic as it pertains to the fairer sex. Okay, so what the hell am I talking about? Listen up because this is a universal truth, there are only two types of fat guys in the world. Two and two only.

What are the two types of fat guys you ask. Simple. Those who wear their pants on the belly and those who wear their pants under the belly. Now take a second and close your eyes. Can you see an example of both in your mind’s eye? Neither choice is flattering in anyway. But at some point on the Fatman spectrum we all make that critical choice. On the belly or under the belly.

Me myself, I am an on the belly Fatman. I just can’t do the under the belly thing. I am not saying my choice is better, I just want you to understand my point of view as I spin this tale. Being an on the belly fat guy, my life is now dictated by that subconscious choice I made years ago.

Being an on the belly fat guy means the waist of my pants is larger than if I was an under the belly fat man. All belly and no hips is a bitch. Seriously it sucks. Find an on the belly fat guy and take note of how often he has to pull his pants up. Especially if he has to walk any measurable distance. Once he gets moving and those pants slip past the belt dent in his stomach, those suckers can drop all the way to the ankles. That shit happens fast too, so you gotta be quick.

Oh, and the urinal in the men’s restroom, that is out too. An over the belly fat guy can’t stand at a urinal because once his pants are unbuckled they head straight to the floor. Compared to our belly, we have no hips. Using the urinal would require an awkwardly wide stance just to keep my pants up at a respectable lever. Nope. There is no way on God’s green earth am I going to stand at the urinal with my ass in the wind. Nope, not happening. Pants over the belly, I am a stall guy for sure. Pants over belly guys also love pants with a waist that stretches. And we really dig belts that stretch. Those fancy leather belts are very uncomfortable, give me something that moves with me.

Now I am sure the pants under belly guys have issues all their own. I wonder though, how do we make the choice to become one or the other? What pushes us in either direction? What allows our choice to become our new normal? Whatever it is, I really don’t want anything to do with it anymore. I want to be a pants on the hips guy.

I am nearing the end of week seven in this run with DDPYoga and the tape measure says I have lost 15 inches overall. Two if those inches are from my belly. It looks as if at some point I won’t be an over the belly or under the belly type of guy.

Keep LL@90%    

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