It amazes me how some minor issue can completely derail my efforts physically and mentally. Normally it is something valid (an illness this time) and then things just spiral out of control. I guess by “out of control” I mean old habits start to take root.
I was sick a few days last week and my workouts suffered. Throughout my illness my meals stayed healthy. Then the strangest thing happened. As soon as I felt a bit better I decided to “fall off” the meal plan. I consciously ate a couple of meals that were not so healthy and I even had a small Georgia Mud Pie Blizzard. Physically I felt like crap from the bad food choices and of course the scale said + 4 lbs. After that all my enthusiasm for the program was gone.
Mentally I was right back to the day before I started the program. I just didn’t have the will to make anything happen. I was defeated. It felt as though I had given up. Even though I pushed myself to jump right back on my meal plan, I just could not get myself motivated about exercising.
I fired up the DVD’s a few times in the last week but everything felt forced. There was no inspiration, no enjoyment. I was right back to “I have to do this” not “I want to do this”. To put it bluntly it sucked. When Dallas was on the screen my head was not in the game. I didn’t want to be here and I didn’t want to be doing this. Why can’t I be done with all of this already? Why do I have to feel like I have been fighting my weight my entire life? Sometimes I feel like I will never be a normal healthy size.
I wonder though. When I am down and defeated, when nothing can get me moving, is that depression? I am not sure I even know what is happening but it has to be something right? Has anyone else felt this way? As I write this I can remember plenty of times where these feelings have held onto me for long periods. I can’t say I am down and glum the entire time but I know that I am not motivated at all.
Being overweight sucks, I don’t care what anyone says. Those “I am happy just the way I am” fat people are full of sh!t.
This brings us to this morning. My eyes popped open and I looked at the clock on my phone.
Subconsciously my brain immediately calculates that I don’t have enough time to do Fat Burner but Energy is doable. I get out of bed, put on my heart rate monitor, some gym shorts and a tee shirt. I fire up the DVD and I am off and running with Dallas, Arthur and Stacey. It wasn’t forced, none of it. Not one sweat filled moment.
I didn’t have to work out this morning, I wanted to.
It was good, real good.
Now I am not sure if what I described earlier is depression or what, but something changed this morning. All I know for sure, this is the shortest amount of time it has held on to me. Could all of the change in the last 70 days be strengthening me mentally as well? Could DDPYoga be helping me quell that defeatist monster inside my head?
I really do believe it is. Thank you Dallas.