Nasty! SMH

While I was doing some keyword research this week I bumped into a Google search phrase that made me do a double take. Unlike “my computer smells like fish”, this was not a search phrase used to find GTFOOTF. Regardless, I think it is still something that is begging for my two cents.

Today’s search phrase: “Why does my belly button smell?”

Yes, I know, you don’t believe that someone is actually searching for the answer to that question. Type it in Google and see if there aren’t people looking for a solution to the stagnant odor that is emanating from that mystery hole we call the belly button.

What bothers me about this whole thing is how in the hell did you figure out your stench was coming from your belly button?

The most obvious answer would be that you were digging around in there and then decided to give your fingers a whiff. You nasty son of a bitch! I bet you even tasted it didn’t you? You sir are a sick bastard.

But what if that wasn’t the way it happened. What if someone else noticed noxious fumes leaking from your belly button? What if it was your boyfriend, or your girlfriend, whatever the case may be?

Go with me on this for a minute or two. So the lights are down low and there she is in all of her feminine beauty. She is there waiting for you to do your thing and “go south with the mouth” as it were. Being the Casanova that you are, you decide to go with the time tested, tongue down the stomach move.

As you get to the belly button you decided to make a short stop only to be greeted by some god awful odor. Did you just throw up a little bit in your mouth? I did. Tell that nasty bitch to take a damn shower.

But wait it gets worse. I think I know what you were doing when you discovered the offending aroma. Most likely you are some computer nerd who hasn’t seen a female outside of Blood Elves and free internet porn.

My guess is you were rolling around naked doing backward somersaults trying to um…. You know what you were trying to do you freaking pervert. So there you were praying you could reach when the odor hit you. After some minor self investigation you discovered the cesspool that once connected you to your mother.

I can only shake my head. Now we all know the true story of how you threw your back out.